Requital
by Mr. Demon Lawyer
Summary: After his execution, the Phantom is ready to go to hell, but someone has other plans. No, tags aren't wrong. This is supposed to be a humor story.
1. Justice

The Phantom woke up in a blank and empty room. The last thing he remembered was the floor under his feet disappearing and the sound of his neck cracking. A man with light brown hair and wearing a white suit and sunglasses approached him.

"In justice we trust!" He yelled, displaying some sort of badge.

"What's going on?" The Phantom asked.

"You're a phantom."

"Yeah, people call me that."

"No, I mean a real phantom. You're dead."

"Is this hell? I thought you were a good guy."

"I'm not just a good guy, I'm a champion of justice!

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm here to rehabilitate you!"

"Rehabilitate me?"

"Yeah, I'm going to make sure that you turn into a responsible citizen able to properly coexist with the rest of spirit's society. I know you can make it, Mr...What was your name again?" He pouted. "Is rude killing someone without even telling them your name, you know?" _But is nice if you tell them it?_

"I can't remember my name."

"But I can't call you phantom, I mean, I'm a phantom as well, it would be confusing. What about...Mr. Ghost?" _Some creativity you have there._

"Then I'll call you Fool Bright."

"Fool Bright?"

"That's what Prosecutor Blackquill called you, I mean, me, I mean...Damn, this is weird. Anyway, how do you intend to rehabilitate me?"

"Obviously, you have to make as good deeds as wrongdoings you committed in life in order to balance your karma. Let's check them" He pulled out a bloc and started to turn pages." Woah! There's a lot of horrible things here. You're true meanie, aren't you? For balancing all this, you would need to rescue fifty millions kitten from trees or help eight hundred millions elderly persons across the street."

"Can't I just go and rot in hell."

"No. Let's begin! As your first step, you must vow to embrace the path of justice."

"And how I'm supposed to do so?"

"Shout: In justice we trust!"

"..."

"I know you can do it pretty well. C'mon, shout with me: In justice we trust!"

"In justice we trust!" The phantom yelled, mocking Fulbright's voice.

"Perfect, and now, to seal the vow, shout it a thousand times."

"..."

"We have all eternity and we're not moving from here until you finish."

_Gosh, What have I done to deserve this? Oh. Right._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: OK, that was weird. I'm not sure how this thing came to my mind, but it came, so I wrote it. Chapter 2 soon.**


	2. Love

The Phantom and Fulbright were flying through the sky.

"Where are we going?" Phantom asked.

"We're going to make up for some of the bad things you've done, of course." Fulbright replied. "I've seen one that is particularly terrible."

"What is it?"

"You cheated on your girlfriend in high school."

"I've done plenty of things worse than that."

"Worse than breaking the heart of a poor, innocent, little girl? I don't think so."

"No, really, I've done worse things, no doubt about it."

"Are you questioning my sense of justice!?"

"Whatever. What do you want me to do? Look for that girl and apologize?"

"No. You're going to help a couple of lovers in their love story." _Also known as meddling. _"Thus, you will understand the true meaning of love"_Also known as meddling._"Look, there's our girl."

"That's Juniper Woods."

"Yeah. She's hopelessly in love with a young man, but she's too shy to tell him."

"And what are we going to do?"

"First of all, we have to figure out who this mysterious crush of her is. I've narrowed the list to four possibilities: Hugh O'Connor, Simon Blackquill, Phoenix Wright and Robin Newman."

"Phoenix Wright is way too old for her and Robin Newman is a girl. And her crush is obviously Apollo Justice."

"No way! I would have never thought of him. I mean, look at those ridiculous spikes and that huge forehead. They have girl-repellent written on them."

"So then, What can I do to make her confess?"

"You're going to possess her and do it yourself."

"Possess her? I can do that?"

"Of course, you're a phantom. And since you're an expert at impersonating people, you should be capable of doing it without raising any suspicions."

"Are you sure is right to impersonate her?"

"Are you questioning my sense of justice!? Just do it."

The phantom entered Juniper Woods and took over her body. For impersonating someone without nobody noticing, it wasn't enough to behave like them. You had to think like them, assume their identity. He didn't have to pretend to be Juniper Woods, he had to be Juniper Woods.

"Apollo... I...I love you." He said, blushing and knitting a scarf. _Okay, now I just need to repeat that in front of him._

He headed towards the Wright Anything Agency, hoping that Apollo Justice would be there. The door was open, but his years as a spy had taught him to always eavesdrop and look into a room before entering it, and so he did. Apollo Justice and Trucy Wright were facing each other behind a couch. Athena Cykes was kneeling on the couch, looking at them and eating popcorn. The phantom sneaked in and hid behind another couch without them even noticing.

"Athena, I'd like to talk with Trucy in private."Apollo said." There's a reason why I've asked Mr. Wright to go and buy a Chinese vase. So if you please..."

"I have as much right as you to be here." Athena retorted, stuffing her mouth with popcorn.

"Whatever. I have to take this off my chest already. Trucy, I think...I think I have a crush on you."_What!? He likes another girl? This wasn't part of the plan__. _Trucy stood on tiptoe and leaned towards him. _Damn it! She's going to kiss him. That can't happen. I must stop it. I have to do something. _The phantom left Juniper's body, which fell unconscious to the floor, and entered Trucy's. Once controlling her, he stepped back.

"I'm sorry Polly...this wouldn't work out."

"But why? Wait. My bracelet is reacting. Are you hiding something?"_Damn lawyers and their magic powers. I need a distraction...whatever would work._ He looked at Athena, then he grabbed her tie and pulled her towards him, namely Trucy. She opened her mouth in shock and he kissed her right there. He used the tongue. It had to be realistic.

A crash echoed through the office. Everybody looked at the door. Mr. Wright was there, his hands still in the position of holding the Chinese vase that was now broken on the floor and his mouth as open as his jaw could bear.

"This isn't..."Athena started to say. " I mean... I'm straight."

"More like she thought she was." Widget beeped.

"Apollo, lend me a hand with an experiment." Athena jumped into him from the couch and kissed him in the lips. Her weight and the shock were too much for Apollo and both fell down, but she kept trying to stick her tongue in his mouth.

"T-thena, what are you...?" Juniper's head popped out from behind a couch.

"It's not what it seems!" Athena yelled. Juniper left the office crying. Athena ran after her. Phoenix didn't move an inch. Apollo was rubbing his eyes and staring at the ceiling. The phantom decided that it was time to run for the hills. He left Trucy's body and flew as far as he could. Fulbright appeared in front of him.

"Are you going to lecture me again?" the phantom asked.

"Well, because of you, a young girl broke her heart, another one is confused about her sexuality, their friendship is on the line and a very expensive Chinese vase is broken." Fulbright replied." But on the other hand, you've prevented a brother and a sister from making out."

"They're siblings!?"

"I heard Mr. Wright talk about it on the phone. And just look at them. It's obvious."

"So...I've made a good deed?"

"I'd say it's a neutral balance. But if you write an essay about what you've learned today, I'll add two positive points to your account, just because I'm generous."

"How many negatives points do I have?"

"Three billions."

"This is never going to end, right?

And thus the phantom learned the true meaning of love.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It seemed impossible, but I think this chapter is even more random and bizarre than the first one.**

**I don't know when I will update this again. It depends on when inspiration for crazy ideas comes to my mind.**


	3. Friendship

"So, what exactly were you trying to achieve with that lighter?" Fulbright asked. "I mean, it was to expect that they would want to check it at some point, wasn't it?"

"Shut up." Phantom replied. " What's going to be today, stopping cat-fights or putting out a fire?"

"I've found in your wrongdoings list that when you were on fourth grade, you didn't go to the birthday party of one of your classmates."

"That probably was the excluded kid, and nobody went."

"You bully! We're going to make up for that right now!"

"How, may I ask?"

"Obviously. You're going to throw the best birthday party ever!"

"And for who's birthday?"

"Let's search in the database who's birthday is today. Woah, three hundred millions results. I'll put the filter on this city and then I'll select someone randomly. And the winner is...Myriam Scuttlebutt!"

"Not the most popular girl in town. It'll be difficult to find many people for that."

"You'll have to deal with it. First, let's find her friends! In justice we trust!"

The phantom and Fulbright flew to Themis Legal Academy's courtyard, where Hugh and Robin were talking.

"And he made them pay a new Chinese vase!" Robin shouted.

"Mouth-breathers." Hugh scoffed.

"Now posses one of them and get to work." Fulbright said.

The phantom entered Hugh and spoke: "By the way, about Myriam's birthday..."

"Where did that come from all of a sudden, maaaaaaaaaaaaan!? And we've already talked about it. The four of us are going to watch her favorite movie T-O-N-I-G-H-T."

"And that's okay, but it sounds too ordinary to me."

"Too ordinary?"

"Yes. Think about it. It's her first birthday with us. We have to make it special. We should throw a party for her. And not just a party, a first-class party."

"But we can't organize a party in a single day, maaaaaaaaaaaan!" _Good point._

"Maybe it's an impossible task for common people, but for someone who can win an archery contest one-handed and without missing a mark, is piece of cake." _Easily said than done._

"You know what? You're totally right! We have to give her the best party E-V-E-R. And I've just had an awesome idea, man!. We have to bring THE Klavier Gavin to it."

"And how exactly are we supposed to do so?"

"Leave it to me! We prosecutors are all buddies!" She ran away and started shouting even louder: "Party at Themis' courtyard tonight! 8 PM! With Klavier Gavin! Best party ever, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" _Wait, you can't decide everything on your own. Damn, now everybody will be waiting for Prosecutor Gavin and there's no way he's going to come. I have to do something._

The phantom left Hugh's body and flew fast towards the Prosecutor's Office. As he arrived, he saw a girl climbing up the wall and a man yelling at her from a window.

"Kay! Come here immediately and give me back my phone!"

"But I just want to see your contacts list, Mr. Edgeworth! What's the problem? You have a secret girlfriend you haven't talked me about or something?" _Contacts list? That gives me an idea._

"Come here or I'll cut your salary!"

"What salary? You don't pay me. Having fun is my assignment, so just let me do it!" She kept climbing without listening to anymore of Edgeworth's scolding.

When she arrived to the rooftop, the phantom entered her body. Then he picked Edgeworth's phone and searched the contacts list until he found Prosecutor Gavin. After that, he picked Kay's phone and texted Gavin's number.

**To: Unknown number**

**Hi.**

**From: Unknown number**

**Who are you?**

**To: Unknown number**

**That doesn't matter. All you need to know is that I know your phone number.**

**From: Unknown number**

**?**

**To: Unknown number**

**You're going to receive a request any time soon. You will accept it and you will fulfill it the best you can, or else your phone number will be leaked to the press.**

**And we also know where you live and where you work, so don't call the police unless you want to spend the rest of your life surrounded by stalker teenaged fangirls.**

"What are you up to today, Faraday-dono?" The phantom turned to see Simon Blackquill. _Damn it. Why him of all people?_

"Hi..." _Wait. I don't know what kind of relationship these two have. How should I call him? In this cases, is better to go with the basics._"...Prosecutor Blackquill. What brings you to the rooftop?"

"My companion wanted to stretch his wings." Taka, who was flying around, perched on his shoulder. "Now answer my question. What are you doing with that phone?"

"Nothing important, really. It's my friend's birthday and I'm looking for a good place to buy a cake."

"Who's this friend?"

"Myriam Scutlebutt."

"Box Girl? I wasn't aware you two were friends." _Neither was I, to be honest__._

"So, do you know where to pick a good cake or something?"

"Actually, there was a fellow in the clink who used to be a master pastry chef."

"Cool! It's up to you bringing the cake to the party. 8 PM at Themis' courtyard. Bye! " He left jumping and running through the nearby rooftops. When he was far enough, he left Kay's body and came back to Hugh.

* * *

><p>At the time of the party, there were lots of people at Themis' courtyard. In addition to Hugh, still possessed by the phantom, Robin, Juniper and a cardboard box, there were the Wright Anything Agency guys, lots of Gavin's fangirls, and some others men and women.<p>

"So, Ema" Apollo Justice asked. " Are you friends with Myriam or have you come to see Prosecutor Gavin?"

"Screw the fop." A woman in bat lab replied. "Where's the cake?"

"That's it, pal!" A big man agreed. "It'll be nice to have something different from instant noodles for dinner."

"You've come here to have dinner for free!?"

"That sounds totally like Gumshoe." Phoenix Wright said.

"Nick!" Another man shouted. "It's been years since last time we met"

"Larry! What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? Where there's a gavinner, there are lots of hot and crazy fangirls." He gazed at Athena. "And talking about hot girls, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"She's eighteen, Larry..."

"But age is just a number, isn't it?"

"Totally!" Athena said. "I'm an adult, boss!"

"You've chosen the worst possible time to say that."

Meanwhile, Trucy Wright was onstage.

"I know you all are eager to Klavier Gavin!" She said. "But before the concert, enjoy the magic of Trucy Gramarye and the amazing Mr. Hat!" The fangirls started to boo her and throw their shoes at her. "Agh! Not heels, please! Okay, I'll prove my worth with the most incredible trick you have ever seen. Let's set this place ON FIRE!"

"Oh, no. Don't do that" Phoenix said.

Trucy pulled out a wooden stick and threw it up in the air. When it fell back, it was somehow afire. She repeated that with more sticks and started to juggle with them.

Then, Blackquill arrived, carrying a cake shaped like a box. When he saw Larry's arm around Athena, pulling her closer to him, he threw away the cake and reached for his sword.

"Put away your filthy hands from Athena, you malicious degenarate!"

Larry ran away and Blackquill ran after him. The cake stomped Trucy's face. She fell backwards and dropped one of the fiery sticks, which fell on top of the cardboard box. The fire consumed it completely, and when all the smoke was gone, there wasn't anything left.

"Wait, where's Myriam?" Juniper asked.

"So that's the great T-R-I-C-K? You've made her disappear?" Robin said. " That's awesome, maaaaaaaaaaaan!"

"Where's she, anyway?"

"I-I don't know." Trucy said, wiping the cake off her face.

"If you don't tell us her whereabouts, then it's a kidnapping, pal!" Gumshoe said. "Arrest her, Skye."

"As you wish." Ema replied, handcuffing Trucy.

"Apollo, do something!" Trucy shouted.

"Ema!" Apollo shouted. "Stop this!"

"We all knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, Apollo."

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Are you serious about this, Detective!?" Phoenix asked. "I can sue you for wrongful arrest."

"Thinking about it, what are you doing in a teenager's birthday party? That shouts suspicious, pal. Arrest him, too!"

"Wait, what!?"

After handcuffing Phoenix, the detectives put him and Trucy in the backseat of a police car and drove away. _They've come in a police car?_

Another police officer came and shouted: "Prosecutor Gavin, we've finally found the blackmailer! If you want to question her, I'll drive you to the detention center! Wait, where's my car!? It was here just a moment ago!"

"No problem." Gavin said. "We'll run there." They both left running and the fangirls army followed them.

Right after, the Kitaki family appeared.

"We've brought muffins!" Little Plum said, raising two bags full of muffins. Wocky and Big Wins were also carrying two bags each.

"Shame on you, Pointy-locks!" Wocky shouted. "You throw a party and you don't hire us for the catering!? You have a death wish!?"

"I'm not the one throwing the party." Apollo replied. "And I think the party is over."

"Over?" Big Wins asked. "But we've work so hard on these muffins...It would be such a waste if nobody ate them."

Apollo swallowed. "Athena, I think that plot hole you call stomach would come in handy right now."

"Sorry, Apollo, but the boss is going to need a lawyer and I'm the one to defend him!"

"Wait, Why you and not me?"

"Hmm...I know! The first to the detention center takes the case!" She ran away.

"Shoot! Always the same!" He yelled. The Kitaki family glared at him. He sat down and started eating muffins.

Suddenly, the phantom had a hunch. He picked up Hugh's phone.

**Eight messages from Myriam Scuttlebut on the voicemail.**

**16:00:"I'm so happy to celebrate my birthday with you guys! I've even dropped my box at Themis' courtyard! I don't need it today!"**

**16:55:"Guys, we were coming to the 5 PM session, right? I mean, it's five minutes to 5 and none of you are here yet."**

**17:10:"Guys, where are you? The movie is starting. I hope you don't mind I've entered without you, I just love this movie."**

**19:20:"The movie just ended. Why didn't you come? Oh, I know! It's a surprise party, right? You're going to throw a party for me at my apartment!"**

**19:50:"Guys, are you hiding here? Well, no problem. I've always liked hide-and-seek."**

**20:30:"Guys, you can come out now. This is not funny anymore."**

**21:00:"You're still mad at me about what I wrote about you on the Themis Herald, aren't you? Is that, right? I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me! I'll do anything. You can come and pick on me all you want."**

**22:00:"Okay, I get it! So you don't want anything with me! Well, if you hate me, you could have just said it to my face! This is not going to end here! You've made a terrible enemy!"**

_I knew I was forgetting something._

"Want to know how's your good deeds account?" Fulbright asked, popping out of nowhere.

"No. I'd rather not to."

And thus the phantom learnt the true meaning of friendship.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I've been thinking that you could make a videogame from this story: Help the phantom to make good deeds. You can possess the other characters to use each one's special abilities (pickpocketing for Kay for example). I've been also thinking that I think way too many random things.**


	4. Responsibility

"I've seen in your wrongdoing list that once you dumped your bride at the altar." Fulbright said. "Is that right?"

"Oh. That." The Phantom muttered. "That was part of one of my missions. That girl was part of a security company hired by a certain government and I had to get close to her in order to get some secret codes for nuclear weapons, but after that I didn't quite find the moment to finish the whole thing, so I just ran away when they called me back for a different mission. It just happened to be at our wedding."

"Well, secret mission or not, breaking promises is not right." Fulbright scolded. "You need to learn a thing or two about responsibility."

"And how will I do that? Taking care of a pet?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You are going to get a couple married."

"Please, not meddling again."

"It's not meddling if they are already in a relationship."

"But we don't know who's in a relationship."

"That has a very easy solution: Gossip!"

"..."

"The nearest bar is the one in the Prosecutor's Office. Let's go and hear what the people has to say."

After a short flying stroll, the Phantom and Fulbright broke through the Prosecutor's Office bar walls. At a table inside it, two suited men, presumably prosecutors, were apparently sharing stories over some beer. The two of them resembled each other a lot, which would make anyone thing that they were relatives. One of them was wearing sunglasses, and the light reflected in the other's glasses."

"And when I opened the door...They were making out!" The man with sunglasses said.

"Eeek!" The other one was taken aback."Blackquill and Von Karma? That has to be a rather...dangerous scene to walk in."

"Indeed, Winston." The first man agreed. "Good thing that Gaspen Payne is not afraid of anything."

"So what did they do after that?"

"They didn't see me, so I just closed the door and ran away."

"There you have your blossoming romance." Fulbright said. "Now get them married."

"Can we wait for a different love story?"

"No."

The Phantom went up to Blackquill's office floor and possessed Klavier Gavin, who was passing by. Then he entered the office.

"Guten tag, Herr Blackquill." He said.

"If this is another attempt to drag me to a discotheque, I'll reject the offer yet again and advise you to stop it at once." Blackquill replied. "You are irritating Taka." The bird perched on his shoulder menacingly.

"Nah, I just wanted to chit-chat about a personal problem I have."

"In that case, I'll reject the offer and advise you to stop it at once."

"But you're a man of honor and duty, ja? It's about that. I thought you could give me good advise."

"If advise is what you wish, I advise you to be concise and don't waste my time."

"Fine. So...I've been dating a girl for a while and she wants to get married, but as the free soul I am, I don't like the idea. However, my father says that it's my duty to marry her and the family's honor is on the line. What do you think?"

Blackquill stared silently for a moment and then stood up.

"I must finish this conversation now. More urgent matters require my attention. "While I'm out, Taka will be in charge." _In charge of what? _"You will fulfill his every wish."

_Well, the groom's is dealt with. Now let's go get the bride._

Then the phantom flew to Franziska von Karma's office, where she was talking with the Chief Prosecutor.

"And that's why I had to confiscate her phone." Edgeworth said.

"What a fool." Franziska said. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

The phantom took over Edgeworth's body. "Actually, I read a most interesting article in the newspaper yesterday."

"Don't waste my time!" Franziska yelled, whipping him.

"Auch!" _Why did that hurt if I'm a phantom? _"But it was about perfection."

"About perfection?"

"Indeed. According to it, the perfect ending for every romantic relationship is marriage."

"That's nothing but the foolishness of a foolish fool."

"But think for a moment, what's the most perfect relationship you have ever seen?"

"The one my parents had, of course."

"And weren't they married?"

Franziska stared silently for a moment and then stood up.

"Get out of my office, Miles Edgeworth." Franziska said. "I have more important things to do."

* * *

><p>That night, the ruins of Courtroom No. 4 were prepared for a wedding. There were four rounded tables with the guests already seated at them, and Gumshoe was finishing the built of a little altar in front of the judge's desk. Edgeworth was already up on it, apparently playing the best man. Kay Faraday was the bridesmaid and the judge was seated at his usual spot. Nobody had bothered to change their usual outfit, not even the groom nor the bride. The Phantom and Fulbright were eyeing the scene from the skies.<p>

"So what are you going to do now?" Fulbright asked.

"Nothing." Phantom replied. "The last times, I tried too hard and screwed everything. Today I'll just posses one of the guests and see how everything goes." He decided randomly who to posses and Apollo Justice was the fortunate one.

"This wedding is in session." The judge said, banging his gavel.

"That's not necessary, Your Honor." Edgeworth said.

The phantom looked around. His table-mates were Athena Cykes, Phoenix Wright and his daughter, Pearl Fey and another woman in a purple robe, Ema Skye, Juniper Woods, Robin Newman, Hugh O'conner and Aura Blackquill. All of them were chatting amusedly. _I should join the conversation or they might suspect that something's going on. What would this guy do in this situation?. Complain, most likely._

"I get that Athena has to be here for Blackquill, but why do we have to come?" He said in an annoyed tone. "And by 'we' I mean 'I'."

"Because I'm very good at puppy-eyeing." Athena said.

"That, and you can get really annoying really fast by repeating the word 'please' ten times per second." Phoenix said. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the restroom." He stood up and went away.

"And why are you here, Vera?" Trucy asked to a blue-haired girl who was painting on a canvas near the table.

"They hired me to paint a picture of the wedding." She replied.

"Oh. You work in that now?"

"Yeah. I even have an apprentice called Laurice."

"Really? And where's he?"

Vera looked around. "I don't know. He was here just a moment ago."

Meanwhile, the ceremony had already started, and Blackquill and Franziska were on the altar.

"Fraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanzy!" Larry Butz yelled, appearing from behind some debris and running towards Franziska. "You don't need to marry him to make me jealous! I know your love is genuine!"

When he was about to reach her, she whipped him until he fell unconscious, and then she whipped him some more.

"Bailiff! Remove this man from the altar." The judge said.

"Surrogate bailiff Meekins reporting for duty, sir!" A man with a megaphone said, saluting. "All of the real bailiffs refused to come, sir. They said 'I'm not going to waste my time with that nonsense', sir. You'll have to settle with me, sir."

"Well then." The judge said, banging his gavel. "Surrogate bailiff Meekins! Remove this man from the altar."

"No." Franziska said. "Leave him here as a warning to everyone with the intention of interrupting my perfect wedding."

"Something's bothering me." Hugh said, pointing to the table on the right. At that table were sitting Damian and Jinxie Temma, Sasha Buckler, Marlon Rimes, a purple-haired man wearing a leather jacket but no undershirt, a blond girl in a red outfit, a clown and a man with a ventriloquist doll. "Why are here the people they've prosecuted? They don't have friends?"

"Well." The woman in a purple robe, whose name was apparently Maya, said. "For all I know, that Blackquill guy has been in prison for seven years. And Franziska...is Franziska."

"But Prosecutor Blackquill did make friends in prison." Ema said, while eating snackoos. "That's why I'm here. To keep an eye of them."

"Ms. Skye, we're not supposed to start eating until the ceremony ends." Pearl Fey said.

"Then they shouldn't have arranged the ceremony and the reception at the same place, scientifically speaking."

"I don't think Simon ever mentioned anything about friends from prison." Aura said.

"Really? But they told us that they were his friends." Ema said, pointing to the table on the left.

The Phantom remembered the persons sitting there from his time in prison. They were Richard Wellington, Luke Atmey, Godot, Aristotle Means, Machi Tobaye, Damon Gant, and a man with spiky hair wearing a blue suit and a red tie. _Wait. Wright? Then who...? _"The phantom looked at the seat where the so-called Phonenix Wright had just seated after coming back from the bathroom. The man there had also spiky hair and was wearing a blue suit and a red tie, but was somehow bigger and tanner.

"For the last time, I AM PHOENIX WRIGHT!" Phoenix yelled.

"Jeez, Xin Eoph sure likes to yell." Maya said. "Right, Nick?"

"YEAH!" Wright's impersonator, who the phantom had identified as Furio Tigre shouted. "HE BETTER SHUTS THE HELL UP BEFORE I GET MAD!"

"I wonder if Feather-dono has the guts to tame the wild mare." Godot said, sipping his coffee.

"Zvarri! The truth has once again been elegantly revealed to me." Atmey said. "This ceremony is, indeed, not a trial, but a wedding."

"And a third-class wedding at that." Wellington said. "It's almost offensive that a first-class guest like me is here."

"That may be the case, but it doesn't matter." Means said. "Because the end always justifies the means."

"How can you mistake me for that guy!?" Phoenix said. "I put you all behind bars! Well, except the kid with the sunglasses."

"This...parole?" Machi said.

"Hahahaha!" Gant laughed while clapping. "Aren't you funny, Tigry?"

"Wright, the untrained eye can easily mistake espresso for cappuccino." Godot said.

"Wait." Phoenix said. "You know who I am, don't you?"

"I can detect 273 different types of bitterness." Godot said, smirking.

"And you're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Never say no to a coffee party." Godot chugged his coffee. "That's one of my rules."

Suddenly, a woman with a red afro run into the place. "Let's go, Hart-team!" She yelled. "Go get the best scoop!"

A woman with a tape recorder came out from under a table. The persons sitting at a table were Gumshoe, a woman with brown hair and glasses, a man wearing a brown suit, a blue tie and a black hat, an older man wearing a trenchcoat full of bullet holes, a woman with a gavel wearing a pink robe, a man with spiky hair wearing a leather jacket and the Payne brothers.

A man with glasses jumped down from a pile of rubble and run to the altar while pulling out a notebook. "Perfect reporter covers not so perfect wedding. End quote." He said.

A cardboard box rose and started taking photos. So did the woman with the red afro. The woman with the tape recorder pulled out a microphone near the altar. Franziska whipped the four of them unconscious.

"Any more interruptions?" She asked.

"Actually..." Means raised his hand. "Does the cake contain any kind of nuts? Because I'm allergic."

"We want to know that, too!" The ventriloquist doll said, punching the man controlling him. "This idiot is allergic, too!"

"Oh. You won't need to worry about that." Franziska said, and then proceed to knock them out with her whip.

"Pfft." Wellington shook his head. "You call that whipping? I've seen more classy whip movements at the circus." Then Franziska used her whip as a lasso to grab him around the neck and throw him away.

"You may continue the ceremony now, Your Honor." She said.

"Oh, right." The judge said. "Now where were we...?"

"If anyone can show..." Edgeworth reminded.

"Right. If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them object now or forever hold their peace."

"OBJECTION!" Kay suddenly shouted. "Don't marry her, Blacky, you've stolen my heart."

"I must fulfill my duty." Blackquill said.

"Then behold, everybody!" Kay said. "Because you're going to see the Great Thief Yatagarasu...stealing a kiss!" Ans she kissed him. Sloppily. "What...do...you...say...now?" She asked while panting, after breaking apart.

"Duty...is...above...everything...else." Blackquill replied, also panting.

"If that's the case, I have no choice." Kay dropped a smoke bomb, and when the smoke vanished, she and Blackquill had disappeared.

"Kay Faraday!" Franziska yelled, bending her whip. "How dare you to steal my groom!?"

"I never thought I'd see Kay stealing something." Edgeworth commented.

"A Von Karma can't get dumped on the altar!" Franziska screamed. "Miles Edgeworth! Marry me!"

The grimace and cold sweat were enough to prove that he didn't like the idea. "I'm sorry, Franziska, but I'm already engaged to...Maya, would you marry me?"

"Oh, yes!" Maya said.

"What!?" Pearl asked in shock. "But Mystic Maya..."

"I'm growing old, Pearly. It's not that easy to find a boyfriend."

"I need a groom now!" Franskiska continued shouting. "Raymond Shields! Marry me!"

"Sorry, but Uncle Ray has too many hugs to offer to get married." The man with the black hat said, and then hugged the woman with glasses.

"You let off of Maggey right now, pal!" Gumshoe said, punching him. The punch caused him to roll on the table and fall into the Paynes, knocking them down like bowls.

"Shi-Long Lang! Marry me!" Franziska yelled.

"Sorry, sis, but I'm getting married to...that pirate girl over there." The man with spiky hair and leather jacket said. "If that's okay with you."

"Why not?" Sasha said, shrugging.

"You! The man in the green suit!" Franziska said. "Marry me!"

"Me?" Damian Tenma said. "Are you sure about that? I have a daughter."

"Then I guess you'd be a good father for John." The woman in a pink robe said. "Would you marry me?"

"Say yes, Papa." Jinxie said. "It's been enough time since Mama died."

"Daddy, can I marry Machi?" Trucy asked.

"NO!" Phoenix shouted.

"Nobody asked you, Xin Eohp!" Maya said, taking Ema's snackoos bag and throwing it at him.

"DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, BRAT!" Tigre said.

"Did you hear that, Machi?" Trucy said in joy. "We're going to get married!"

"That...food?" Machi said.

Juniper opened her mouth as if she was going to say something.

"Apollo, marry me!" Athena shouted.

"What the heck, Athena!?" The phantom, speaking for Apollo, said.

"Oh, sorry. I just got caught in the moment."

"That better be true." Aura said. "Because if he's marrying someone, that's me!" They glared menacingly at each other.

"Let's just move on and forget this ever happened." Phantom-Apollo said.

Juniper opened her mouth again.

"Apollo, would you marry me?" Vera asked.

"He can't marry either of you." Pearl said. "He's my special someone!"

"What are you talking about?" Robin said. "He's my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."

"He has to marry me!" Ema said. "We shared white powder!"

"By the way, Polly, I just remembered that Jinxie gave me something for you." Trucy said. "It's a love letter. Oops, I spoiled the surprise."

"Apollo, marry me." Juniper finally said.

Suddenly, a leathery rage whipped all of the girls unconscious. And also Phoenix, who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Then Franziska used her whip as a lasso again to bring Apollo to the altar.

"Get us married. Now." She said.

"This court finds you two married." The judge said, banging his gavel. Then Franziska grabbed Apollo's arm and dragged him to the street.

"W-where are we going?" He asked.

"To our wedding night." She replied.

A limousine stopped by and they entered it. Klavier Gavin was driving it.

"I wasn't expecting you here, Herr Forehead." He said.

"Prosecutor Gavin!?" Phantom asked. "Why are you the chauffeur?"

"Why not?" He said. "And now just in case you want to get warm before we get to the hotel..." He pressed a button and soon an opaque glass was separating the two parts of the limousine. _Ok, I'm leaving._

The phantom left Apollo's body and flew towards the sky, where Fulbright was waiting. He opened his mouth to speak, but the Phantom stopped him.

"Don't. Say. A. Word."

And thus the Phantom learnt the true meaning of responsibility.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It's just me or this gets more absurdly ridiculous every chapter? I hope it does.**


	5. Family

The Phantom had possessed Dick Gumshoe and was up in a tree trying to rescue a cat when Fulbright popped in front of him. He threw away the cat in shock and fell down.

"Couldn't you wait until I had rescued that thing?" The Phantom asked.

"No!" Fulbright shouted. "I've read something too horrible in your wrongdoing list! The most horrible thing I've ever seen!"

"Don't get so worked up. He was dead when we did it, really. And we had lost our supply of food. It was that or starving to death."

"I didn't mean that! You spent a whole year without calling your mom a single time!"

"Well, I was busy with my undercover missions and that kind of stuff."

"That's no excuse! Does family mean anything to you?"

"Not really. I mean, I don't remember who I am, why would I remember my parents?"

"Oh, my! You're way more evil than I thought! But I swore I would rehabilitate you and I will rehabilitate you! Come with me so I can show how the members of a family support each other!"

They both flew to an apartment and found Phoenix and Trucy Wright yelling at each other.

"I hate you!" Trucy screamed. Then she ran to a bedroom and slammed the door behind her so hard that a chandelier fell down from the ceiling. _Well, that's a great display of family love. _After that, Phoenix made a call and drank a whole bottle of grape juice. When he finished, Athena Cykes entered the apartment.

"What's up, Boss?" She asked.

"Trucy is mad at me because I didn't show up at her magic show." Wright replied.

"How could you!?"

"I would have gone if SOMEONE hadn't stolen the batteries of my alarm clock for her magic stuff."

"But what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, you're a teenaged girl like her, so I thought that you might know what I should do."

"I'm an adult!" She shouted in anger.

"What are you waiting for?" Fulbright suddenly said. "Go ahead and solve this family crisis. This is your new mission."

"Whatever." Phantom replied. He possessed Athena and flicked her earring. "Why don't you get her something she really wants?"

"There might be something." Wright pulled out a huge album from a shelf. "This is Trucy's Troupe Gramarye stamp collection. She has all of them but one. The ultra-secret black Dead Magnifi stamp that they made with the police photos. The rarest of them all. If I manage to get it, Trucy will cry in joy."

"Don't worry!" The Phantom punched her palm. "I'll get one for you!"

"It's not that easy. The legend say that only 20 copies of that stamp were made. 10 of them were destroyed in an accident. Two were donated to the Troupe Gramarye museum. One was used in a card by all of his fans that was put in his tomb, and another one was bough by a rich Borginian merchant dealer. Only five of them made it to the stores, and I don't know where they currently are. The only other person I've seen collecting this stamps is Vera Misham."

"I'll go ask her!" The Phantom ran away and headed to the Drew Studio. When he got there, Vera Misham was talking with Klavier Gavin.

"...And he sued her for sexual harassment." Gavin finished.

"Oh."

"What are you doing here, Prosecutor Gavin?" Phantom asked.

"What a nice surprise, Fraülein Cykes." Gavin replied. "Answering your question, Fraülein Misham is going to draw a painting of me. A couple of them, actually. One for my house and another for my office. I like to look at myself." _This man's ego knows no limits. _"And what brings you here?"

"I want to talk to Vera about the Troupe Gramarye stamp collection."

"Oh. Do you want to see my collection?" She asked.

"Actually, I'm interested in one particular stamp. The Dead Magnifi one. Do you happen to have one?"

"What!?" Vera's eyes were wide open. "I wish. That stamp is the dream of every collector."

"But not a single collector seems to have one..."

"Well...I once read Sal Manella boasting about having one in his blog."

"And how could I contact that guy?"

"You're a lucky girl." Gavin said. "I've been invited today to the filming for the next Steel Samurai movie, directed by Sal Manella himself. Would you like to come, Fraülein?"

"Of course!" The Phantom shouted, clasping her hands in joy.

When they got to the studio, they found Sal Manella eating lunch.

"Guten tag, Herr Manella." Gavin greeted.

"H1 DUD3." Manella said. "G00D M0RNING. R3ADY FOR Y0UR CAM30?"

"You're going to appear in the movie?" Phantom-Athena asked.

"Ja, but just in one scene." Gavin replied. "But I'm still going to appear in the poster."

"TH15 GUY W1LL ATTRACT FANG1RL5 L1IK3 FL13S."

"By the way, is true that you own one of the famous Dead Magnifi stamps?" Phantom asked.

"Y35. 1 HAV3 TW0 0F TH3M."

"And is there any chance that you give one to me?"

"1T D3P3ND5. WHAT D0 Y0U HAV3 1N 3XCHANG3?"

"What do you want?"

"WHAT D0 Y0U HAV3 1N Y0UR C0LL3CT10N?"

"I don't really collect anything..."

"Doesn't Herr Blackill collect those Steel Samurai trading cards?" Gavin commented. "Maybe he'll help you."

"TH3R3 15 0NLY 0N3 CARD 0F THAT C0LL3CT10N THAT I D0N'T HAV3. TH3 ULTRA S3CR3ET NAK3D P1NK PR1NC355. 1T'5 S0 RAR3 AND S0 S3CR3T THAT TH3R3 ISN'T A 0FF1CC1AL SPOT 1N TH3 ALBUM FOR 1T."

"Well, then I guess I'll pay Simon a visit at the Prosecutor's Office." The Phantom said.

* * *

><p>"No." Blackquill replied.<p>

"You don't have that card?" Phantom asked again.

"And if I ever manage to get my hands on that treasure, I won't be willing to give it up under any circumstances."

"Well, that's not very nice of you..."

Suddenly, someone knocked the door.

"Go ahead." Blackquill ordered, but nobody obeyed.

"What was that?" the Phantom asked

"Why would I know?"

"Hello?" The Phantom opened the door, but there wasn't anyone there. However, he found a paper note on the ground that stated 'Parking lot 5-C.' He decided to go to the parking to solve the mystery, and when he got to the parking space 5-C, he found a red sports car and the Chief Prosecutor at the wheel.

"Enter. Now." He said dryly. When the Phantom entered the backseat, Edgeworth started the car and they went out of the building. After fifty minutes of silent driving around the city, he spoke again. "So you are interested in the Naked Pink Princess card."

"Yeah." Phantom-Athena replied. "Do you happen to have one?"

"Last week, I bought a packet that just happened to contain two of them. But I only need one. One is collection, two is perversion."

"So you're giving one to me!? Thanks!"

"Not so fast. If you want it, you have to make me a favor."

"Fine. What is it?"

"Larry Butz is throwing a party for his own birthday today and I've been invited, but I'm not interesting in going at all. Your mission will be to apologize on my behalf and make sure that he doesn't feel offended, which would bring undesirable consequences upon me."

"Leave it to me." The Phantom punched her palm. "All I need to know is when and where that party is."

The car stopped. "Right here, and right now."

"But we're in the middle of the highway and there isn't nothing resembling a party here."

"The party is 10 miles ahead, but I can't get any closer or he might see me. You'll have to walk there." He pressed a button and a robotic hand pushed the Phantom out. Then Edgeworth turned around and drove away, way faster than any decent citizen.

After running ten miles, the Phantom got to a very lame birthday party. Larry Buzt, Pearl and Maya Fey, Raymond Shields and some kid wearing a green jacket and cap were seating at a table and eating cake.

"I call dibs on the girl in the yellow suit." Shields said.

"Man, you can't call dibs on every girl that passes by." The guy in the green jacket complained.

"How glad you came, Thena." Butz greeted. "I was sure you wouldn't miss my birthday for anything in the world." _Was I invited?_

"Happy Birthday, Mr. Butz." The Phantom took a seat.

"Call me Larry."

"Okay, Larry. Mr. Edgeworth asked me to tell you that he can't come?"

"What!? I knew he was up to no good! But this isn't going to end here! I'm going to his office right now! He's gonna hear me!"

"No! You can't do that! I promised him that you wouldn't get mad!"

"Well, bad luck! I'm really mad!"

"There has to be a way to calm down!"

"The only thing that relaxes me is looking at pictures of pretty girls! So unless you have a cuties photo album, I'm totally mad!"

"I could make something like that in no time." The guy with the green jacket cut in.

"Who are you?" Phantom-Athena asked.

"Cody Hackins, Ace Paparazzo. I can take a picture of anyone without them even noticing. Just tell me who you want to be in that album."

"I can make a list." Butz said.

"Then is settled!" The Phantom clasped her hands in joy.

"I don't work for nothing." Hackins said. "My birthday is coming soon, and I want the Steel Samurai to be in my party. Can you make that happen, ginger girl?"

"How can I do that?"

"Talk to Will Powers."

"Will Powers, huh? I guess I have to go back to the filming lot ,then. Unless..."

* * *

><p>"No." Blackquill replied.<p>

"C'mon, Simon, Why not?" Phantom-Athena pouted.

"Impersonating the Steel Samurai and humiliating that sacred name just for the sake of entertaining kids would be an offense to the samurai code."

"And if I make your laundry?"

"I can do that myself."

"I'll wash your car!"

"What car?"

"I'll cook your lunch."

"I'd prefer to eat an eatable lunch."

"Is there something than I can do to make you do it?"

"Now that you mention it...Taka is hungry." The hawk perched on his shoulder.

"Fine, I'll go to the pet shop and buy some birdseed."

"Birdseed!? Do you take Taka for some vulgar canary!? My companion is a predator! He needs to haunt his nourishment! Normally, he preys on the rats that inhabit the dark corners of the courthouse, but, unfortunately, those in charge are trying to exterminate them, and succeeding."

"So in a nutshell, you want me to infest the courthouse with rats?"

"Exactly. Is that a problem for you?"

"The only problem is that I don't know where to get rats."

"I do." The Phantom turned around at the sudden intervention and saw Ema Skye standing next to the open door and eating Snackoos. "I know a friend from college who works on a lab and has a lot of rats for experimentation."

"Doesn't a member of the Police Force have something better to do than eavesdropping?" Blackquill said, annoyed.

"Not really." Skye replied. "Do you want me to get some rats for you or not?"

"That would be cool." The Phantom said.

"Then make the fop give me a day off."

"If you want a day off, why don't you ask him yourself?"

"There's isn't any force in the universe strong enough to make me ask the fop a favor, scientifically speaking."

"Okay, then. Where is he?"

"In his office. And in a pretty bad mood. So good luck."

The Phantom went to Gavin's office and found him swearing in German and kicking things.

"Hi, Prosecutor Gavin." He greeted.

Gavin looked at her in shock after kicking a chair out of the window. "Oh. My apologizes for that behavior, Fraülein."

"Is something wrong?"

"Ja. Someone has stolen my guitar and now they're selling it on the Internet."

"If I recover it for you, would you give Detective Skye a day off?"

"I don't see why not. But how are you going to do that?"

"I have a plan."

* * *

><p>The Phantom had bought the guitar on the Internet and accorded to make the exchange at night in a dark alley behind the Prosecutor's office, and now he was wearing a grey trenchcoat over Athena's yellow suit and waiting there. Suddenly, a fat man wearing a black hood appeared.<p>

"I want to be the very best." He said.

"Like no one ever was." Phantom replied.

"To catch them is my real test."

"To train them is my cause."

"I see it's you. Do you have the money?"

"Yeah. This is the money!" He punched his face, and the hood fell backwards, revealing Sal Manella. "What?" Manella took advantage of his confusion to kick her shin and run away. The Phantom fell on her knees out of pain. _You're not going to escape. _He left Athena's body and entered Manella's. He looked at the ground and saw that something had fallen out of his pocket during the escape. He picked it up and saw the Ultra-Secret Black Dead Magnifi Stamp. _Why didn't I think of this before? _He threw away the guitar and ran to Phoenix Wright's apartment.

When he got there, the door was closed, so he kicked it down. When he entered raising the stamp, Phoenix Wright screamed and threw a candlestick at him, but he dodged it, and it ended up setting a couch on fire. Then Wright grabbed the Troupe Gramarye stamp collection and attacked him with it. The Phantom tried to take it off his hands, and in the middle of the fight, both the collection and the Dead Magnifi stamp went flying to the fiery couch, and Manella's body went flying out of a window. While he was falling, the Phantom could see Trucy coming out of her room. He then left Manella's body in mid-air. Fulbright appeared in front of him and shook his head.

And thus the Phantom learnt the true meaning of family.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, it's been a while. I've been kind of busy. But don't worry, the supply of silliness inside my mind is virtually unlimited.**


End file.
